Beyond Food and Body Obsession... Ways to Nurture Ourselves

• Go for a stroll in nature.
• Listen to your favorite music and dance in your living room like no one's watching.
• Sing your heart out.
• Write a letter to allow all those bottled-up emotions expression.
• Read a page-turner.
• Visit or call a friend who truly loves and supports you.
• Paint or draw out your feelings on a canvas.
• Mold your intangible emotions into something you can see and feel by working with clay.
• Using push-pins chart a course of all the places you would love to travel on a world map.
• Create space to dream.
• Light candles in a darkened room and listen to Loreena McKennit, Mazzy Star, Deva Premal, Mozart, or any artist that stirs your soul.
• Allow yourself to receive a massage.
• Nurture your whole body with a luxurious body butter.
• Slip into the comfort of a soothing soak in the tub.
• Have a loved one rub your feet.
• Get crafty by indulging in your favorite creative hobbies... beading, mandalas, woodworking, scrap-booking.
• Make a vision board. Create a collage to map out your future.
• Enjoy the silence... surrender your worries to meditation.
• Get all decked out just for you and treat yourself to a day out on the town.
• Find comfort in a warm cup of tea shared with a good listener.
• Light incense and allow its scent to carry away your prayers.
• Take your pup for a walk and if you don't have a pooch of your own, offer to walk the neighbor's dog.
• Get organized. Sort through your belongings. Collect clothes to donate, clear out old junk, decorate with some warming touches. Clear out the old to welcome in the new.
• Go on a road trip and bring along a play file of all your favorite CD's.
• Play fashionista. Put together new outfits. Try new make-up and hairstyles.
• Invite a friend over and treat each other to a makeover.
• Invite your friends over for a slumber party just like the ones you had when you were a teenager.
• Write in your diary.
• Curl up in bed for a cozy nap.
• Steep in a hot tub.
• Treat yourself to a facial.
• Go on a walk with camera in hand and take photos of the sights you want to remember along the way.
• Head out for a bike ride.
• Treat yourself to a swim at a local pool.
• Sit in the woods or at the ocean and feel the grounding energy.
• Make a list of affirmations and read them out loud to yourself.
• Leave it all on the mat. Release with yoga.
• Get kisses and hugs from loved ones.
• Spend time with your pet.
• Chant... work with mantra.
• Relax in a hot shower. Let the waters wash away your concerns.
• Go window shopping. Browse in a bookstore.
• Head downtown for a cup of coffee and some people watching.
• Visit a museum.
• Read your favorite book from childhood.
• Have someone you love brush or braid your hair.
• Punch your pillow to let the anger out.
• Have a good cry. Release the pressure of holding it in.
• Pleasure yourself.
• Make a cuddle date with your mate... no expectations for it to lead further... just time to be held and cared for.
• Grab your crayons and color in a coloring book.
• Start a gratitude journal. Keep a running list of everything you are grateful for. Add to your journal at the end of each day, or in those moments you feel down.
• Lounge about and do absolutely nothing and do not feel the least bit guilty about it.
• Treat yourself to a beautiful bouquet of flowers.
• Purchase yourself a very sexy article of clothing that fits your current body like a glove.

Shannon's Self-Care Pledge

From this moment forward I am dedicating myself to my personal mission of starting a self-love revolution. I have taken a brazen step in this direction by surrendering all goals of changing the physical appearance of my body. I choose instead to embrace my present figure with all its soft padding, fleshly curves and abundance. By doing so, I am not throwing in the towel but moving into my power by reclaiming the sacredness of my body. My health and well-being are not dependent on my body size. I know that 'Health at Every Size' is a reality and I claim this gift for myself now.

I have taken the, "Live Well Pledge" from, "Health at Every Size", By, Linda Bacon, PhD. By signing this contract of intention I commit to the following practice each and every day of my life...

• Today, I will try to feed myself when I am hungry.
• Today, I will try to be attentive to how foods taste and make me feel.
• Today, I will choose foods that I like and that make me feel good.
• Today, I will try to honor my body's signals of fullness.
• Today, I will try to find an enjoyable way to move my body.
• Today, I will try to look kindly at my body and to treat it with love and respect.

By surrendering the aesthetic goal I move to a deeper level of my healing experience. I sink into the sensation of connecting with the feeling and allow my body to teach me through loving kindness what it needs to thrive. From this space, I choose to eat whole foods, exercise in pleasurable ways and make my self-care a priority, not in the hopes of being a smaller size but because it feels good. I claim physical, mental, emotional and spiritual well-being in this moment. This state of wellness is my birthright and not dependent on my weight, shape, the size dress I wear, or whether or not I measure up to society's idea of what is beautiful.

I reclaim my beauty in its plentifulness and my value as a woman who has more to offer the world than her physical appearance. I am more than a body. I am a being. Like a cornucopia overflowing with the bounty of the harvest, so is my feminine form. By embracing my present body I awaken my receptivity to the healing energy seeking to find me. My path to wholeness opens before me as I move surely toward this sacred space now.

"The Big Fat Lie" December 2009 Focus - Holiday Edition

Tis the season to be jolly... and frazzled, stressed, spread too thin, over-extended financially and emotionally, with little time to spare. This month's focus is going to take all of this into consideration. Rather than burdening you with more pressure, our focus will be on shoring up support so you can get through the holidays in one piece while having a good time to boot!

This is classically a difficult time for many people. It's important as we head into the holidays to think of what we need to make this busy time flow a little smoother. How can we relieve the tension so we can truly immerse ourselves in the spirit of the season? It is my hope that December's focus will help you navigate the holidays while having a strong foundation of support under your feet. For this reason, our entire focus this month will hinge on self-care and stress-reduction.

The holidays don't have to be stressful. It can be a time to connect with our loved ones, enjoy the festive vibe and relish the season's dishes that only come around once a year. Let's intend to a have a joyous December full of all the good things this celebratory time has to offer. With a little awareness we can ensure our holidays are merry and bright.

Mind:

• Support is essential at this time of the year. In order to help the group feel connected to this foundation of support we will be hosting our first BFL community chat. This will be a way for all of us to touch base with each other, share our experiences and gain a helping hand in getting through the challenges we may face during this holiday season. The chat will be hosted here next Saturday, December 12th @ 10:00 a.m. PST/1:00 p.m. EST. Everyone interested in participating is welcome to drop in and connect with the group. This includes those who follow the BFL blog and members of the, "Through Thick and Thin" community. Our chat room can be found at the bottom of the BFL homepage. I look forward to connecting with all of you so we can collectively set our intention of self-care this holiday season.
• Carve out some time to think of what you can realistically commit to in terms of your self-care throughout this busy month. Put that commitment in writing by drafting a self-care pledge. Make your pledge read as an affirmative statement of how you will ensure your care remains a priority during this challenging time. Post your pledge where you will see it as a visual reminder of the commitment you are making to yourself. Read the pledge to yourself at the start of each day to set your intention. If you feel so inspired, share your pledge with the group by posting it on this site. In this way, we can all support one another in this vision.
• Keep it simple. How can you free yourself from obligation so you are better able to meet the demands of the holidays? Are there some openings you can create in your schedule so you have more time available? Practice mindfulness when it comes to taking on more than you may be able to comfortably handle. Make friends with the word, "no". It can get very busy during the holidays. Many people feel the pressure of being pressed for time. It doesn't have to be this way. You don't have to attend every party. You don't have to cook a meal for every gathering. You don't have to take on the responsibility of running every errand. Take a look at the areas where you can lighten up on yourself and release obligation. For those big looming tasks, ask for the help you need. The more you can lighten your load by shortening your to-do list, the more you will experience a lightening of spirit and enjoy the fun the holidays have to offer.

Body:

• Over the past couple of months, we have focused on introducing more whole foods into our meals. By now, many of you are beginning to find a rhythm with this. You are learning which foods you enjoy and also finding your comfort zone with approaching these changes. Some of you may be struggling. If you are finding exploring whole foods to be challenging, back off a bit. This should be something approached with curiosity and interest. It shouldn't feel like a chore. This is about discovering what works best for you in your life. In the end, it is not our goal to achieve thinness or meet society's unrealistic standards of beauty. This is not a competition, but a group effort to move toward health and well-being. In January, I will be sharing the template of 'health at every size' with this group. For now, focus on the basics of intuitive eating. For those of you who have enjoyed your exploration of whole foods, continue to do so while bringing an extra dose of consciousness into the mix with a refresher course in intuitive eating 101. Let this month's goal be one of awareness. Honor your hunger and consistently respond to this bodily need. Try turning off the TV and enjoying more meals at the table where you can truly savor the experience and derive pleasure from the food before you. Respect your fullness and stop eating when you feel pleasantly satisfied. Above all, enjoy the holiday fare. Some wonderful dishes are going to be served up and you don't need to miss out on a single bite. Have fun baking cookies with the kids. Dish yourself up a plate of that fabulous holiday dinner. Sample the appetizers that look most appealing to you at the season's parties. Do it all with awareness, staying connected to your body and its communication. In this way you can have the best of both worlds. You can partake of the festive pleasures while respecting your body.
• Make a list of pleasurable self-care activities. Challenge yourself to list at least 20 different options. Activities can include anything from taking a soak in a hot bath with some mineral salts to going for a walk in nature. View this list as your holiday survival kit. Keep the list prominently posted. Due to the emotionally triggering aspect of the holidays many find issues with binging surfacing. If you feel the urge to fix it with food, turn to your list. Select a self-care activity to indulge in, rather than trying to eat away whatever is bothering you. When encountering stress, if we practice turning to self-care rather than relying on the coping mechanism of over-indulging in food, we begin to reprogram the way we naturally react to challenges. In time, self-care becomes the automatic response to dealing with overwhelming circumstances or difficult emotions. This is where the real healing begins.
• Each day, treat your body to some TLC. This doesn't need to be a major event. Something as simple as pampering yourself with a luxurious body butter after you shower can make you feel cared for and valued. It's important that we give ourselves a little extra love right now. It is all about creating that foundation of support. The further we get into the holiday season, the more we will hear the food and body talk pick up in our social circles. There will be the buzz of diets to begin in the new year and mentions of being 'good' after a day of debauchery. This kind of influence can be very triggering when someone is in the process of making peace with food and their body. The more that we can stay connected to our bodies in a loving way, the better we will be able to stay centered on our healing paths.

Spirit:

• Staying connected with our spirits helps us remain centered and grounded when life becomes demanding. This month, create a healing altar in your home. This will become a special place for you to connect with the intention of your healing journey. This doesn't need to be elaborate. You are free to be as extravagant or minimalist in its design as you desire. This project also doesn't require a great deal of space. A book shelf or coffee table top will do. You can even use a bulletin board if you like and tack up images that are spiritually significant to you. Adorn your altar with symbols that represent what your healing means to you. What are you creating? What new reality are you moving toward? Be sure to include some photos of yourself along with pictures of those who support you on your path to wholeness. The idea is to create a visual reminder in your personal space of the important healing work you are doing. It will be a living testament of the commitment you have made to yourself. This will become a touching point for you to tap into the sacred essence of your healing path. Over time, your altar will grow and evolve along with you. Let it symbolize the heartfelt dedication you are making to yourself. Your altar can become a place in your home environment for reflection on where you are heading and how far you have already come. It is a way to honor your self, your journey and your growth.

Feel Your Connection to Nature:

• With the cold frost nipping at your nose you will probably find yourself spending more time indoors in the comfort of your home. In order to feel your connection to nature, bring a little of the outdoors inside. Build a bone warming fire to cozy up next to with the ones you love. Dress your home in holiday finery with decorations provided by Mother Nature herself. You can even make a day out of gathering nature's adornments. Get a group together to collect pine cones, bejeweling them later with ribbon and glitter. They make sweet ornaments for the tree. Save yourself a pretty penny by gathering greenery to make garlands, swags and wreaths of your own. It's amazing how simple it is to do these crafts. It provides a wonderful way for you to connect with the ones you care about while doing something creative. It's a real opportunity for quality time with the ones you love and this is what the season is all about.
• If you do purchase a tree, opt for a live one that you can later plant and give back to the earth. If you choose to buy a cut tree, show your support for one of your local family farms. There are some farms that specialize solely in trees for the holiday. This is a great way to get into the spirit of the season by helping families who rely on tree sales for their livelihood throughout the year. You also get the benefit of knowing that your money is directly benefiting your community.

Have a happy holiday. Enjoy the blessings of the season. Give yourself some love and support by appreciating the gift that is you...

Merry Yule...

Merry Christmas...

Happy Hanukkah...

Happy Kwanzaa...

To each and every one.

Touching the Source... My Retreat

Dear Partners in Healing...

I am about to do a temporary disappearing act and wanted to let you know what's up so you wouldn't think I have fallen off the face of the earth. I'm wading through a deeply challenging period in my life. I'm currently in the middle of a major health crisis. The past couple of months have been spent in and out of the hospital being pricked with needles and tested for every yin-yang affliction under the sun. I'm in a great deal of physical pain and it has become very difficult to manage with my ever-increasing workload.

It seems that life has only become busier for me and in the process I have begun to feel depleted and overwhelmed. I have completely fallen off of my priority list. This has moved me into a self-reflective state. I have had to own up to some hard to swallow truths about myself. I am shrouded by the cloak of shadow work.

For those of you who are unaware, I am in recovery from eating disorder. I battled anorexia and bulimia from the age of 12 until I was 24. I came dangerously close to losing my life. I released those behaviors and found a certain level of recovery until life intervened with its emotional storms. Having a complete lack of coping skills, I developed binge eating disorder. This is how I became an obese woman. I have found a great deal of healing through the path of intuitive eating. I continue to be in metamorphosis... in the thick of my cocooning stage. I thought I was further along in my recovery until I read some important information about the healing process involved in reclaiming the self from the jaws of eating disorder. I learned full recovery is achieved when there is no longer a focus on food or body size... when these preoccupations do not have residence in your consciousness. Although I have come a long way in this regard, it is clear that I have not been completely liberated from this influence. The realization hit me like an arrow in my heart.

Suddenly, I was able to see the way my latent eating disorder tendencies have been wreaking havoc in other areas of my life. Eating disorder has always been my coping mechanism. It is the only way I knew how to care for myself. Amidst the chaos and upheaval of my life, it provided me a sense of control and odd safety. When I felt overwhelmed and incapable of facing my pain, I had the eating disorder to turn to for refuge. It acted as my life-preserver, enabling me to survive. It helped me cope with a lack of emotional security, making me feel falsely empowered and in-control. It helped me get through deep feelings of rejection and denial of love by providing an all-consuming, though dysfunctional, distraction. In a real sense, I am still here living and breathing because of my eating disorder as F'd up as that may sound... it's what is real.

Since I no longer use my body or food as the outlet for these imbalanced tendencies, I have experienced a transference. The eating disorder now finds expression through my work and I am running myself into the ground. I'm at the pinnacle of my recovery process. I am about to embark on the final leg of my healing journey. The past few months have been intense. I'm releasing a lot of emotions. Buried wounds have been resurfacing that are extremely painful. Even in my sleep I cannot find reprieve because old hurts are haunting my dreams. I have been crying a lot and feel that raw ache in my heart that you get when something is begging for recognition and release. At times, the intensity of what is surfacing has knocked me to my knees. As a result, I have begun to distract myself with my work. The control coping mechanism of my eating disorder has transferred to the area of my career.

I am inundated and everything has fallen to the wayside. The amount of work I have on my plate is impossible for any human being to keep up with. I often hear that I am Wonder Woman, as if this is some badge of pride. I'm here to tell ya, I'm no super hero. One look at the state of my house, ignored scholastic projects, and complete utter lack of self-care will make that abundantly clear. In response, my body has started to scream at me. I know that my physical pain has an emotional/spiritual source. I feel that truth vibrating in my bones. From head to toe I am pain. It is as if the pain has consumed me and it's all I can feel anymore. This physical pain seems to be reminding me that I am still here in the face of my deepest self being completely ignored. Interestingly, the left side of my body is more activated. I do not think it is coincidence that this is my receiving side. I need to let go and open myself to receive. I need to allow myself to feel all of the emotions that are surfacing so they can be released. I must learn to lovingly care for myself by bringing my life into balance. Equilibrium is sorely lacking.

I have heard my soul's call and I am responding. I have created a retreat for myself. From November 1st-9th, I am unplugging and tuning in. The computer is going to be turned off. The, "Through Thick and Thin" team is covering for me at the forum. Susie, a member of our community who feels more a sister to me, has been a great facilitator in helping me come to this space where I can let go and create an opening to receive. She has generously donated her time and energy to write, "Through Thick and Thin's" November Community Challenge piece. It is amazing to witness how much people show up for you when you clearly express your needs and let go. I'm grateful to each and every one of you, moderators and community members alike, who have stepped up and volunteered your time and care to tend to the community while I am away.

During my retreat there will be no work. I will let the message center take my calls. I need to reconnect with my spiritual source and tap into my true needs. I intend to lavish myself with pampering. I am going to recommit to my yoga and meditation practice. I'm going to nourish my body with nurturing whole foods and move in pleasurable ways. I'm going to get outside and let Mama Nature wrap Her lovin' arms around me. It is time to discern what is meaningful and create a life that supports that vision.

A group of my friends have organized a healing circle for me and this is how my retreat will close. I have never received on this level from others. It is a big step for me to move into this space of openness, trust and vulnerability. I believe it will be cathartic. I wanted to share a glimpse of where I am at in my healing journey so you would understand my absence as I tend to my self-care. It seems self-care has been a running theme lately. Every woman I speak with is feeling this need to receive. I feel that it is important for me to set the tone in living the truth I speak. I must be a mirror of the intention for women to pencil themselves back in. Otherwise, I'm simply paying lip service and not walking the walk.

So dear friends, though I will miss you as I take this time away, I know that I will return a fuller woman with more to share. Know that as I travel inward I also hold a light for each and every one of you. May its glow guide you toward your own self-renewal as I whisper blessings of love to fall upon each of your hearts.